2、Chapter 1 June A'dam ...
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1. June 2002
1.14th June Friday 2002 Amsterdam
De ene ezel noemt de andere altijd langoor?
(One donkey always call the other long ears)
Dawn lights came through the palm sized widow, declaring the beginning of a new day. Small letters began dancing in front of Christina’s eyes. Her eyes felt dry and painful. She put down the novel on top of the other novel.
There wasn’t enough room for a cupboard in her room, so all Christina’s favorite novels are stacked on top of each other on the shoebox next to her bed.
Her belly started to make noises, protesting for the mistreatment. She didn’t have a proper dinner, and probably won’t have any time for breakfast either.
Ah! She shouldn’t have read through a whole night again! Particularly not on Friday, the day she had to work part-time; Saturday, Sunday neither, nor Monday. Actually Christina works in a kiosk selling drinks and sandwiches four days week, which made the study looks more part-time.
The job itself is not that demanding, but she does need to able to concentrate.
Otherwise a wrong mental calculation of how much 1 espresso, 2 green tees, 3 hotdogs + 4 chocolate bars would cost, she’d have to hand in her own wages for compensation. In those cases, she often turns out to be a free volunteer at the end of the day, making no money, a waste of her effort to walk around a whole day like a sleeping ghost. The park she works in might be a Wonderland, Christina can’t afford to be Alice.
Oh, no, the mobile alarm rings, it’s already 6:30 in the morning! It can’t be true!
She had to get washed and dress up within 30 minutes and run to the tram No.2, which is a block away.
Otherwise she’d miss the train that leaves from Amsterdam central station on 7:36 to Harlem, hence miss the bus from Harlem station to the Floriade Park, location of the Catering company Christina works for. The park is famous for its flowers & plants, currently hosting a once every ten year international exhibition of flowers from all over the world.
Christina can’t afford to miss the train, because she really does need her part-time job.
The ridiculous thing about transportation here: it is so well organized that you may take a train to another city for work everyday. The trains here work like buses in China, albeit with some minor delays.
But if you miss a bus here, then you are in trouble! Never expect that you can simply jump on the next line in 2 or 3 minutes.
If you have bad luck you may need to restlessly toeing and gearing around the bus stop for more than 30 minutes for the next line, although it is a little bit better in the center of the city then downtown, but conservatively speaking, 20 minutes waiting is fairly common, and it always feels like 20 years if you know you might be late for work.
Taxi is not an option, it rides gently after a tram or bus, politely waiting for pedestrians to cross the street first, even under green lights.
Besides, taxi fare is every expensive here. Amsterdam probably has the most expensive taxi system in the world. A 30minute ride can cost you a whole day’s wage.
Under the condition that you are making 6 euros per hour, 10 hours per day like Christina does, and you still will be hopelessly late for work anyways, a luxury of no good. Even the tourists never take the taxis. It only serves as a kind of emergency help if you are absolutely lost and embarrassed to ask help from any policeman or women.
Yes, maybe this is another abnormal thing to a normal Chinese citizen; there are as many policewomen as policemen, if not more.
They are fully armed, wondering around at all major squares and shopping centers.
Although, every few days you would still hear about a new crime of drug dealers clearing each other out or a missing girl’s body found somewhere near the highway.
Maybe it is not that bad, after all crimes do get committed in all the major cities.
Despite Amsterdam is quite small in size, the multicultural mix of its residents plus legal consumption of soft drugs and “red-lights” does not render it easy for any police force.
Who cares, anyway, Christina never went shopping on Zeedijk in the late evening.
It is a bloody shame that the only piece of China in Amsterdam find its place only one street away from the Red light district. The area attracts many tourists as well as drug dealers everyday, to be more precise, every night. Christina failed to puzzle out so far which one was the first who set foot beside the central station, the red light, or the red flag, but she would certainly not cease the effort to find out the truth for her very own dignity.
These Cantonese supermarkets were completely localized per openings time, none of those shops stay open after 6pm. On Sunday’s the shops are closed even earlier.
Work life balance as they call it, this is very different compare to the Chinese shops, that open quite early and close very late at weekends pursuing extra sales.
Most of the people here spend their free time in search for “quality time”. The more wealthy people fly out for vacations during most weekends, the less wealthy people go visiting museums instead. Even the homeless often go picnics and lie on the beach in case the sun would shine under god’s mercy. Anyway, to flock in shops making tinned-satin as Chinese normally do is generally considered no class.
Café s and bars open till very late here though, normally to the early hours, 2 or 4 in the morning, some of them stay open the whole night through.
Many people here often go out after 11pm for a drink with friends. Not only those crazy youngsters with their crazy hair, (often painted in the kind of color combinations that beyond any lunatic painter’s imagination) but also middle aged people and grand couples with very normal looking and nerves.
Night life as they call it!
Also these friendly people are very keen to chat with your about the “night life” activities. Just like the Chinese people are keen to share information about cooking and food.
The first questions your colleague would ask you is: “What enjoyable things have you done at weekends (or last night)?”
If you keep answering: “I have read a very interesting book”.
They would all nod sympathetically and try to cheer you up by inviting you over, “just join us for a drink tonight! You need to have a life you know.”
If you play the Chinese politeness by saying “no, no, don’t bother”, for fear of a straight “yes” might cause any possible inconvenience, you may soon find out that you are ruled out for your very own impoliteness of turning people down.
Because here in this country, yes is a yes, no does mean no.No one is interested in some very shy Chinese dull doll who doesn’t know what life means outside her shell and had not even got a proper manner.
Oh, god, the mobile rings again, 6:45, Christina always set double alarm in case the first one at 6:30 would fail to wake her up.
Only15 minutes left, no time for any day dreaming anymore.
She quickly put on the black jeans and black T shirt spread out on the chair, there was no room for a wardrobe. The outfit to wear today was picked last night already, from the big suitcase from China that she brought along. Socks and underwear also well prepared. The black handbag is settled with keys, and the entrance card of the park surely lies in the wallet to save her as much time as possible in the morning.
If only it was one of the 3 school days, she would have been able to allow herself to be late for an hour, and sneak in during the short break, just for the sake of the presence.
Another puzzle, the teachers here have the discretion to punish you with real credits in the exam by simply counting your presence throughout the course.
What a joke? In China, if only one does well in the exam, it’s good enough right? Nobody gets punished by missing one or two lectures. Besides Christina has very good reasons… While maybe two hours extra sleep doesn’t sounds very convincing, but she does deserve credits for going through all those text books by herself in the library corner.
After all she jumped into the 3rd year of the HAS with practically no basic knowledge in business at all. The best she has done in China was that she managed to speak fluent English, to everyone’s surprise actually. She even managed to make a few jokes with the HAS study advisor, which luckily saved her two years time by skipping the foundation phase.
Those books like to and so on did help a lot; she has an idea about what’s going on in the 3rd year lectures now.
It’s always been easier for her concentrate in a quiet library rather than in the middle of a frenzy class, because here in class, everyone could just interrupt the lecture with all sorts of nonsense questions.
Very often the questions asked are already understood by the class at large, but because one or two students insist on asking, everyone else has to be patient and listen to the same explanations over and over again.
Tina knew for sure many Chinese teacher would just faint at the rude manner of students here.
Most Chinese students would not interrupt the lesson by asking questions; half due to respect to the professors, half due to the fact that on one wants to be perceived as ignorant. If they do speak out, they would put up their hands first. Most of them choose to ask their questions privately after the course or go and puzzle them out by reading more books.
2 minutes over 7 o’clock, no time to make her hair into two plaits anymore as she usually does, with two elastic rings on the wrist, Christina jumped into the high heeled black shoe, picked up the hand bag, gave a final shot to the mirror.
The mirror confirmed a tired pale face which seemed older than her real age. One of the best Dutch mistakes Christina appreciates is that they truly have no clue about an easterner’s age. Just like Chinese people couldn’t tell how old a Dutch uncle looks like, Dutch people think all Asian female between 15-30 looks alike….
5 over 7, the door behind Christina is cautiously closed. She never bothered to have lock made. The attic she rented was originally a storage room. No bugler would be interested in her old socks. Quietly she walked downstairs, the attic was on the 5th floor, in Chinese manner, 6th floor. Dutch people name the first floor here as ground floor, and count from the 0th, Christina used to get out at the 1st floor to look for the exit in her early days in this country.
As soon as her heels landed on the ground outside, Christina raced to the tram station without even noticing the very nice early morning air.
She really needed to fight hard against those high heels for a going, no mention running.
Luckily, it’s not raining yet. One could never predict the weather here.
One minute it’s still hot and sunny, the next minute it might be raining cats and dogs, they could bite really hard as Christina seldom remembers or willing to bring an umbrella.
To carry around a clumsy umbrella is such a meaningless excise. She either lose it in the tram or metro when she woke up suddenly at her stops or last stops, or have it broken by the strong sea wind which comes always hand in hand with the rains.
It is quite a scene during the stormy days; you will see many dead bodies of colorful fancy umbrellas lying overall on the street. Christina was too clever to make those wasteful investments except to open an umbrella shop; it must be an everlasting business here considering the lifespan of an umbrella is so terribly short!!
But where is the tram?
7:15 already, and it would take at least 15 minutes to the central station.
That leaves 6 minutes to buy the train ticket and run to the platform…
The tram had to come right away!!
Full anxiety, Christina pulls a long neck and keeps staring into the direction where line 2 should appear, her sleepy dry eyes barely able to stay open….as if her eagerness together with two other equally anxious early birds would speed up the tram…at all…
Lights in the shops on both sides of the street are still on.
Shops here are rarely big in size, but most of them are very well decorated.
Even the small socks shop is also carefully designed with tall flourishing green plants in huge pots. No idea what they all called. Those long beautiful names of too many kinds of plants and flowers never stayed long in Christina’s mind, she really loves them though. Through the window you could see the cozy atmosphere plotted with lively greens.
Oh, be alert, Christina warned herself, under no circumstances you would be allowed to be any kind of shopaholic, no way.
The only kind of holic you were allowed to be was workaholic plus studyholic.
What a bloody shame, also almost aged 24, Chinese manner near 25, (Dutch count their age per birthdays, Chinese count their age per year, a baby born in December would turn 2 years old by luna Chinese new year, but remain one years old in Holland before the next December) she is still fighting for a bloody diploma without any decent working experience.
Standing in a kiosk selling ice cream wouldn’t count for sure, the 1 years work in XY Corp, the Chinese state owned car parts Co shouldn’t count either. The working environment of a state owned firm couldn’t differ more with a western European company, from many aspects. The most Christina did at XY Corp was endlessly interpreting the beautifully structured speeches made to foreign business partners, by the deputy mayor or some party leaders who somehow all managed to sit on the board of XY Corp.
Mind you the talks per se weren’t anything special; it’s the structuring of it, that’s the real art. They could easily talk for hours with a great degree of enthusiasm, though one sentence out of the 30 is the only one you should listen and get, but how on earth would a straight forward foreign visitor figure that out?
So all the poor visitors could do were simply nodding and smiling.
* * ** * ***********
Next semester Christina must find a placement here somewhere.
She should make something out of it. If only she would get the chance….
She knew any company would be satisfied with her attitude if not skills.
She doesn’t mind hard working, not at all, she’d love to work hard.
But loads Dutch people got paid for doing nothing, seriously, 1million out of 17m population are on that doing nothing WAO list.
A bloody shame! Really, unemployed people here can get nearly 1200 euros per month as long as they prove they still are trying to find the next job.
Christina cursed herself as well as those parasites, or maybe she was just jealous that her parents would never ever be able to get even close to any such kind of a list. Except on hers, In Chinese village, even some cities, children ARE the pension &social security plans of their parents.
Thanks to the Tram, Christina stopped to drag on with the scary thoughts, thoughts she always tried to bury somewhere far back in her head as long as she could.
Had to think positive!
Had to behave positive!!
Someone once said that life is just like a mirror image,
if you cry, she cries too, and if you smile, it smiles back……
Imagining herself as a tourist who was having a city tram excursion, Christina managed a smile on her face, but vanished very soon as she accidentally stared into that pair of big disapproval eyes decorated with real long artificial eye lashes.
Owner of the eyes sitting opposite Christina has bloody-red thick lips also, the fancy dresses she has must be from the fashion shops on Kalvestreet, and the boots looks like Boss.
The whole cover from head to toe from inside to outside on Christina are all “on sale” items from H & M. She never went to the Bijnkof except the 4th floor where you may check some new books and CDs. Even there, she mostly just did the on shelf reading.
Wish I am a real bloody idiot, cursed Christina with all her heart the nth time just in one morning, then she would be at least able to smile whenever she wants despite whatever others think, or wear, come on, this wasn’t right, she was not so shallow as to get depressed just because some material thing?
By the way that huge bloody mouth was no beauty but just the trend this summer, who knows maybe next year small eyes as Christina’s might become popular, or even single eye, like pirates of the Caribbean.
Imagine the fashion bird sitting opposite to her would have only one huge eye left above that bloody mouth…Christina tries hard to restrain her laugh…
“The last stop!” woke up by the shout of the bus driver, Christina jumped out with eyes half open, mind half in sleep.
Thanks god a million time, for making Floriade Park the last stop of the bus.
It was a terrible experience when she woke up in Amersfoort once for an appointment in Utrecht. She had to reschedule another date because she couldn’t make it within the next 2 hours.
Walking distance is about 100 meters from the bus to the temporary container office of Happy Food catering Co. A strange name indeed, does food feel happy at all to be eaten? Christina shook her head as she approaches the office.
“Morgen, “ Christina greeted the group of Dutch youngsters who also work as part-timers here, and relieved that the mangers haven’t arrived yet.
“Goede morgen”, “Nee - Hau!”, a few boys shouted back with exaggerated extra long tone and giggled for that very common Chinese Hello.
Christina pulled a smile and settled herself in a corner with a careful distance from the group, not too far to hear their laughing at each other’s last nights and not too close to be asked, either about her own last night or to share their cigarettes and chewing gums.
Actually, Christina does like most of these young guys in their 20’s here, some of them even younger, 15 or 17.
Different from those Chinese little Emperor/empresses who are so spoiled by their parents, and never ever made a penny with their own hands no matter due to no intention or no chance, (single child are often too well protected by their parents besides there weren’t really many part time job opportunities I china as too many laid off workers would just be very happy to do the job full time with a part time salary.) at least these guys here do work for their biers, cigars or the great paintings on their faces or hair.
10 to nine, William drove in, the manager on morning duty on Saturdays who rarely showed up on time. He opened the office container first, let the group flood in for change.
The working uniforms were rather simple, red T-shirt plus a very long blue apron, one size only. Although with 165cm, 50 kg Christina used to be considered a big strong girl in China, here she was below average both in length and weight. Even on top of those incredibly high heels.
The T shirt was ridiculously big and loose, the upper side of the apron had to be folded ever since the first time she stepped on it and fell right outside the container door with all the coins running everywhere.
It was also William on duty that time and he didn’t fire the clumsy Chinese girl right away simply because he enjoyed the good laugh.
Christina knew they all considered her as a little Chinese clown of 18, god knows she was a bloody old aunty of 23 and still came to pick the job from the 18s or 20s.
For a moment, she even saw the only inscription curved in huge red letters on her grave stone-A bloody shame.
Maybe she wouldn’t be allowed to have a grave place at all due to her nationality, what a huge pity, because her very best Dutch friend Anna was a very good sculptor and she would definitely curve a stone free for Christina if she ever ran into a car.
“Uh, Tsing, Kiosk 6, here you go and walk slow”, caught the coins bag from William, Christina mumbled a “Bedankt” (Thank you) and hurried out of door ignoring his ill humor.
These people here only called her Chinese name, better than those Americans who forced you an English name for their own convenience.
Except that she felt her name sounds really weird in Dutch. It was so close to a sneeze that she had to concentrate to make sure that someone was indeed referring to her name instead of catching a cold.
Kiosk 6 lies all the way up next to the North entrance of the park, around 20 minutes walking distance.
The walking is actually the most enjoyable part of every working day here.
Along the whole way you’d walk through all different flower fields and green plantations, no any air fresher could ever match the real scent from these flowers in the fresh morning air.
The trees and flowers were all planted to form welcome words which you could only tell if you looked from faraway, or on the top of the green hill in the middle of the park. Ticket free for all that!
Tulip is the only flower name Christina knew in Dutch and a few other sorts of flowers she knew their Chinese name, all the rest she only knew their colors.
She wished never so badly if only she had learned a bit of art.
How nice would it be to carry around a few drawing boards and brushes to paint all these down, or maybe just detail that little blue nameless butterfly-like flower which she loved most, exactly the same as she ever saw in the forest behind her village in North China.
The bloody shame ran through Christina’s mind n+1th times in still the same morning, not because of that she hadn’t the chance for art lesson, but the fact that so many other children in that village hadn’t even a chance to go to an ordinary school………
Or maybe even worse, those who did get the chance to be educated turned out to be desperate fugitives very ashamed of their birth village.
Nobody went back to do something, those who ever escaped…..
After a few times standing behind a Unox hotdogs stand or Ola Ice cream stand outdoor, Christina was made chief in charge at Kiosk 6 with 2 or 3 assistants varing from one day to another who would come at 9:30.
Because most of these youngsters came only once or twice a week, Christina became the regular here.
Still it ia rather brave for them to name an Engli-Dutch speaking Chinese to be the command in charge for that kiosk, wasn’t it? Although Christina was not doing too badly in understanding almost everything already, but to reply with correct grammar and accent in Dutch might take ages. Why wasn’t it so hard when she picked up English? Ah, It must be her aging brains…..
Opened the door, counted the change, put coins in different cups per face value, counted all the inventories and filled in the daily inventory list per item, set all the garbage cans out, flushed the coffee machine, threw 20 pistolets, 10 croissants, 10 chocolate breads and 15 sausage rows in the oven, baked 15 krokets, (a kind of Dutch specialty without translation, the closest can be crispy sausage, they even had a menu Mac kroket in McDonalds here). What’s next, oh, yeah, heat the Unox sausage for hot dogs, slice tomatoes and cucumbers for sandwiches, set a ready sliced apple pie and few donuts on the front counter, cover them with plastic folly.
About 20minutes passed, Christina give a relieved sigh, she seemed well prepared for the day! It certainly wasn’t so easy at the very beginning. She survived and become handier at the process by the day.
Of course she still gets burned by the oven every now and then, when she’s in too much of a hurry to take care, but the red signs on her arm from a few days ago are nearly invisible now.
One surely shouldn’t be jailed in the past as the wounds would disappear given more time. Think ahead might help, say next week, um, tuition installment would be due, the week after; the cage attic rent would be due.
One wouldn’t live in the future either, Christina told herself to make the best out of today since that’s where real life is. A cup of tee would be a lovely start, just before she reached out for a cup, knock, knock, knock, the rest of the crew arrived.
“Morning, Sara!” Christina shouted with a big real happy smile of the whole morning, and Sara smiled back. Sara is one of the very few girls here Christina has worked with and felt rather close as a planet- mate, a 4th year Psychology student on Free University, a few years older than Christina is.
The other girl called Marlijn, first time today. After explained basically what should be done here to Marlijn, Christina followed Sara into the mini kitchen at the backside and left Marlijn behind the counter in case any earlier visitors came.
“So, is the second essay topic approved?” asked Christina, sat on the counter between the water tap and deep fryer.
“No, re-rejected.” Sipped her tea, Sara continued her very brief answer standing beside the huge oven, “too common they say”.
“Are you sure they have no psychological problems? Didn’t they say the first topic ‘why artists tend to commit more suicides’ too abnormal?”
“Would you believe there are any normal psychologists in the world at all?” Sara laughed at Christina’s naivety.
But you might turn into yet another one; knew she better not saying it out loud, Christina tried to analyze the case “so no research on children rebellious behavior and no research about suicide artists, any new idea already?”
“Got to fake something in between, but don’t worry, still months ahead, with you?”
“As always,” answered Christina nonchalant, as she always did when she had to talk about herself “4 days Floriade, 3 days HAS”.
“You really tough, you know”
“No choice to be not.”
“Come on; don’t go blue, one more year you will be through with the HAS, any plans after?”
“A master if I can find a way to manage it, certainly not through baking breads here.”
“Scholarships?”
“Checked, only for the first year Chinese students who applies inside of China through an certain agency, I am here already, too late to turn to their marketing package, no scholarships at all, only pure consumptions to boost the sluggish economy”
“Loan?”
“If anyone would lend me 35000 Euros based on nothing, I bet you would have a real nice topic for your psychic thesis.”
“I pray for you, keep me posted.”
“You have my word.”
“I am sure it will be a very good word.”
“Thanks. You just have the magic to light everything up, what are your plans after thesis?” Christina changed the focus back on Sara; she can never stand to talk about herself for up to 5 minutes, not even with Sara.
“I am planning a world trip, don’t want to be fixed up on a regular position yet, I am crazy about travel, have to explore the world first.”
“Terrific! Where from?”
“Egypt, you know there is no physical explanation for the construction of the pyramids.”
“So you expect a mental one, but where comes the money?”
“Saved a bit along the way, and 3more months working here should deliver something.”
“Oh, yeah” Christina realized Sara didn’t have to spend on rent as she still lives with her parents, and not on public transportations either as long as she has a student pass. There are also few hundred Euros per month from the education funds of the government. All can be used for traveling or vacation.
While Christina was completely a different cup of tea, she had to pay everything without any backing up.
The souvenir shops opposites are also opened, Sara and Marlijn decided to go for a look, no customers yet anyway.
The first costumer came for a thrown away camera right after the two left, a 60+ Dutch lady who required Christina to explain her the instructions printed in clear Dutch on the camera, and argued that she was charged here twice as much as its normal price else where for the rubbish plus the service from a wrong shop assistant who spoke no good Dutch, and if the rubbish was not going to work according to Christina ’s instructions she would come back for the money.
After all that The old lady paid with a trembling hand hardly able to hold the purse stable, by counting the coins cent per cent into Christina ’s hands that are obviously also trembling. (ah...wrong shop assistant…geeee)
“It is 10 cent too much” Christina counted them into different cups and then returned the 10cent extra.
“It wasn’t, it was your tip!” the lady exclaimed proudly.
“Sorry, Madam, but we are not allowed to take tips here,” Christina dropped the coin back in the lady’s wallet which she obviously took too long to close with her trembling hands. “Thanks all the same, should I help you to close your wallet?” now Christina even smiled,
“No, thanks I don’t see your hands function any better than mine.” retorted the lady with equal dignity.
By the time Marlijn was back, there were already a few aged ladies sipping their wake up coffee on the terrace.
Besides Christina had already managed to point a French who understands no bits of English nor Dutch the way to the tour bus, showed a group of Japanese who ignored her historical resentment the way down the green hill, lied to William who came for his occasional check that the other two shop assistants went for toilets, answered her mobile against the rules though there was no customer at that moment, got her finger burned again when she tried to open up the hot sausage bags from the boiling water………..
Another memorable figure was a young Dutch man aged around 30, while, a couple actually.
He was very tall, wearing glasses, in blue T-shirt, boyish face.
His partner was short in length, compare to him, but much wider in width, in red.
He had ordered some coffee and sausage rolls after helped his partner to a table at a corner facing the lake further away from the crowded groups.
If it hadn’t been the wasp, his lady in red wouldn’t collapse; then Tina wouldn’t have remembered them at all.
No one knows wherefrom, there were many wasps flying around the Terrace, they don’t really bite, mostly just fight for some left over apple pies and cola drinks. Someone had on purposely left a half drank cola tin on the table the couple chose to sit, a few wasps were tricked in. Tina heard a hysterical cry from the corner, the lady red was shaking as a falling leave in the arms of the tall blue. Coffees and sausage rolls all fallen on the ground, together with the cola tin, a few wasps were still climbing around the tin opening.
People laughed at the lady’s overreaction, everyone could get a bit shocked by those wasps. Yet Lady Red didn’t stop with one scream, she kept screaming, in deep anguish. People stopped laughing. They were shocked.
Tina quickly went over with some coffee and a glass of cold SPA blue, he said sorry instead of thanks, something in that pair of blue eyes hurt Tina even through his glasses, she wasn’t sure what it was, helpless, pain or bitter?
He still gently held his red in his arms, stroking her hair, tapping her back, half carrying her to another corner as handling a piece of fragile antique. Tina went over with them, set the coffee and water on that table, fetched broom and dustpan to clean up. At that particular moment Tina was terribly envious of that lady Red; be whatever lady red mightn’t have, she had him.
Tina’s felt the burned finger hurt even more, but no shoulders, and no arms ever available for her to hold for a few moments……sad…sad…..
Don’t be ridiculous! Tina shouted in her own head
One get what she deserves, She’d never scream at a wasp, neither at a mouse as any ordinary girl should do…
Of course all the blue eyed loving guys would all be stocked up to play hero in front of those girlish girls instead of Tina, a much too boyish girl, if girl at all.
Tina couldn’t help but constantly glancing at them.
Till he came over to pay for the coffee and water, she said it was free of charge because of the wasp tin, he insisted the payment and said it was just her girlfriend’s normal reaction to things, if it wasn’t the wasp, it could be a bee.
He wanted to make it a joke. But Tina wasn’t able to smile; something from his blues eyes still hurt her.
After they went away, Sara came back, Marlijn told the story and laughed at the fact that such a chubby lady could be scared by a tiny beast; Sara explained over some psychological fear, broken nerves under certain circumstances and alike that she had some friends with similar problems. Tina wondered how long the Blue Eye would be able to keep his nerves under control.
So went the day very quickly from 12:00 as every other day, with the 3 of them running on their heels, with Christina’s the highest, for more baking, slicing, bottle opening, table cleaning and charging.
Each of them managed to eat a hotdog back in the kitchen in turn for lunch and a short break to sit down after 5 in the evening. After the breaks it was time for the cleaning, all whatever tangible things involved had to be purified for tomorrow, including picking up the cigarettes butts from the few hundreds square meters ground of the Terrace and making all utensils, cookers and the floor inside shinning again before filling in the final inventory list.
Make sure the kiosk was well locked; the 3 of them went back together to the container office down to the other end of the park without much talking.
Though the same way everyday, it didn’t feel the same on the way back as on the way coming, or was evening just more depressive than morning?
After Christina filled in the form and got paid for the 10 hours together with the others, it was already 10 to 8pm when she walked to the Bus stop. With the poor pair of foot aching from the uttermost humiliation of those terrible heels the whole day, Christina scrabbled into the Amsterdam central station an hour later.
Line 2 would leave in 15 minutes, which meant her foot had to survive for another quarter. In the AKO bookstore she went, for a glance in those glossy magazines just to distract attention away from her foot.
“Hello!” a sudden tap on her right shoulder from behind together with the sudden shout in the quiet book store,
Christina was shocked and dropped her magazine on the ground.
She bended immediately to pick it up right away without turning back to see whoever the monster was, if the book is damaged she’d have to spent 1/5 of her day for a dam glance.
Standing up, the pawing hand also came back on her left shoulder, her teeth clenched at the very sight of the black paw even before she turned herself back, so she stepped away first before turning.
“Hello.” She sizzled with icy tone and stared with cold eyes at Brian’s black smiling face with terrible white teeth all over. Technically speaking no teeth could be on a face all over, but that is the image Christina feels whenever she’s confronted with a laughing Brian……the sharp contrast of sheer black and white when he doesn’t keep his mouth shut.
For god’s sake, her day might be well through, but the nightmare seemed just getting started. Brian was one of those blacks in the HAS who had done some cases together with Christina, and one of the few who ever asked her out despite she never went out with any.
“It is so long time no see, I was just on my way back from a lawyer friend for some copyright advices and I saw you when I pass by the door”
“Law cases?” Christina asked flatly with the least interest.
“No, No, No, for my own book.” He even extended his smile, “I have written a book.”
“Aha, Christina nods suspiciously, “you have written a book, What about?”
“You know, some South African stories, just published today, you must go and buy one.”
“Yeah, I will do”, answers Christina out of politeness, but shouldn’t the author of the book sign a few and giving out to friends? Aha, good he finally realized that in no way would she ever be any kind of his friends. Never.
“What are ya up to?” asked Brain,
“Nothing really in particular”, Christina hated the fact that she was chatting with this black guy in the quiet book store despite he said he might published a book, “have to run, see you another time”, quickly she placed the magazine back on shelf and ran out of the bookstore heading to the tram station, jumped in line 1 which was just about leaving, wrong tram, but doesn’t matter, she could get out at Leids Square to change to line 2.
In the tram, Christina tried to calm down and swallow the blow inside the damp tram. That bloody black guy even published a book!
And she only got a few pieces of diary full of tears without any consistency.
She only wrote diary when she felt too stressed or depressed to sleep or to do anything else. And this guy, this black guy who she had always seen as no good….oh,
No, Christina suddenly stopped thinking for a moment, then outrageously realized what lied behind the whole uneasiness of this matter, oh no, this was just all wrong, very wrong,….
What the hell made she think that a black guy who might be as intelligent as anybody else is couldn’t publish a book? God, what kind of a bloody dirty mind she was having here to discriminate other people? Being a victim of discrimination, she herself should only kill even a tiny bit of discriminate nerve if there was ever any.
But what the hell was she doing here? God, it might be true that Anna’s purse were robbed by a few black boys right in front of her own doorstep, it might be true that there were often black boys hang around train stations making the scary atmosphere, but it could be anyone, and for gods sake, she was yellow.
Although she was literally whiter than a lot of whites since they spend as much time as they could having suntan to ruin their lovely milky skin into the so called healthy vacation brown, while Christina spends as less as possible time to even expose to sunshine at all.
But she had completely no problem with her yellow skin and black hair, (sometimes a bit red or purple, hair, she meant,) nobody had the right to accuse anyone for their colors because they had no choice, oh, no, it was still wrong, it was nothing about choices, it was just…...
Now Christina feels like that she should be the one who really deserved to be robbed by a black. God, this is exhausting. She planned earlier to drop out at the American Pizza for a take away, but now she believed she deserved to be on diet tonight, if not weeks, for the fact this discriminating mind ever crossed her, and she would never allow herself to think that way again.
Though she would still never go out with any black guy, neither white, nor yellow, just nobody, good, which means basically she had a general problem in getting any kinds of relationships with any male creatures, that had nothing to do with colors.
When the tram stopped in front of the only AlbertHijn supermarket in Amsterdam that opened till 10pm, Christina reached the verdict that she deserved some salads for dinner after all, or a Mars bar, popcorn would be even better.
二零零二年六月14日，周五，Amsterdam
翻译者：阿川
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自己一身毛，还说别人是妖精 (乌鸦落在猪身上)
Christina 把《购物狂在国外》塞到床下的鞋盒子里，摞到《BJ单身日记》上面。房间里确实没地方安置一张床头柜了。她试着揉了揉自己酸痛的脖子，眼睛真干涩呀。鸟笼子般大小的阁楼里，清晨的阳光正努力从巴掌大的窗子里钻进来。她的肚子又开始抗议了，昨天的晚饭没吃好，今天的早餐看来也还没影儿。
不应该又通宵夜读，特别是周五，这天要打工。周六周日也不行，还有周一。每周四天在售货亭卖饮料和三明治，学习反而成了业余式的。倒不是打工要费多少脑子。不过1杯意式咖啡，2杯绿茶，3个热狗加4条巧克力棒共计多少钱？如果不注意心算出错的话，她就得从自己的薪水里补上差价。
可怜Christina 每天辛辛苦苦困的要死要活，薪水本来就没几个币币，再算错账，基本上就是白做义工了。因而尽管她工作的公园可能是个奇妙的场所，她却万万不敢去做那梦游的爱丽丝。
哦，天哪，手机闹钟响了，已经是早上6：30了。怎么能这么快？哎，要三十分钟内洗漱完毕，穿戴整齐，跑到一个街区外的2号电车站坐车，去赶7：36 分从阿姆斯特丹中心火车站出发开往Harlem的火车，否则她就会错过从Harlem车站去floriade公园的公交车。因为正值十年一度的国际大事：国际花卉展，Christina工作的餐饮公司在公园里设有售货亭。她可承担不了误车的后果，因为她不能拿迟到来冒被解雇的危险。
说来好笑，这儿的交通安排得太好了，每天你都可以乘火车去另一个城市工作，跟中国的公交车类似。不过是经常晚点而已。在这儿如果你错过了一辆车，永远别想两三分钟内跳上下一辆。如果运气不好，可能需要在巴士站无聊地跷脚等待，左转右转30多分钟才有下一班车。在市中心可能比在闹市区好一点儿，可是保守估计，等20分钟很平常。如果你知道自己可能迟到，那20分钟感觉跟20年似的。
出租车不在选择范围内，它们慢腾腾地跟在电车或者公交车屁股后面，哪怕遇到绿灯也十分有礼貌地等待行人先穿过斑马线，而且车费差不多耗掉一整天的工资。假如你跟christina似的每小时挣6个欧，每天十个小时的话。而且打车也没希望按时上班，出租车就是一件无用的奢侈品。连游客都从不打车。如果你完全迷失方向，又不好意思向警察叔叔或阿姨求助，出租车倒是可以充当一种紧急救助工具。
是啊，另一件中国公民认为不同寻常的事情就是，这儿的女警察不说比男警察多吧，至少也一样多。她们全副武装，在各大广场和购物中心来回巡视。虽然每几天就会听到关于贩毒团伙互相清洗或者失踪女童暴尸公路的新案件。不过说到犯罪，其实没有那么严重。所有的大城市都有这样吧。尽管跟那些大都会相比，阿姆斯特丹规模太小，建筑风格太传统，可是她的人口和文化多元，加上法律允许吸食软性毒品，允许开设红灯区，使得警察的工作相当不轻松。
话说回来，谁管这些呢。Christina晚上从来没去过Zeedijk逛街。Amsterdam唯一的一片中国中国城离红灯区只隔一条街，真是汗颜啊。每一天，确切地说，是每个晚上，这个区吸引无数的游人和毒品贩子。Christina至今也没研究出来是谁先在中央火车站旁边立的足，红灯，还是红旗，不过为了自己的尊严，她当然不会放弃努力找出真相。
据开门时间来看，这儿的广东人开的超市已经完全当地化了。下午六点以后几乎没有开门的，周日关门更早，跟国内那些周末早开门晚关门以图多挣钱的店铺形成鲜明对比。这儿的大多数人把业余时间用来追求生活品质，有些钱的人周末大多飞到外地度假，钱少点儿的就去参观博物馆，甚至连无家可归人士都经常去野餐，如果老天爷开眼是个晴天，还可以躺在沙滩上享受日光浴。总之，象中国人那样挤进店铺里作罐装沙丁鱼被普遍认为是没品的表现。
不过咖啡馆和酒吧开门到夜里很晚，通常到第二天凌晨2点到4点，有一些通宵营业。这儿的人习惯晚上11点后跟朋友一起喝一杯，不光那些把头发和脸染得花里胡哨（哪怕最疯狂的画家也想象不出那种颜色搭配）疯疯癫癫流里流气的年轻人，也包括精神正常，举止得体的中年人和老年夫妻。
人们通常善意地问你周末或昨晚干了什么有趣的事儿，如果你总是回答他们“看了一本有趣的书”，他们会同情地点头，然后为了让你高兴起来，会邀请你一起出去。如果你害怕不方便而把一个简单的“yes” 说的犹犹豫豫，或者遵循中式礼貌而预迎还拒地说“no”，不久你就发现自己被他们排除在外，因为你不懂礼貌，拒人于千里之外。没人会对一个羞涩的躲在壳子里的中国玩偶感兴趣，既不懂得生活，又不知道基本礼仪。
噢，上帝，闹铃又响了，6：45，Chiristina总是设置双重闹铃，怕6：30的第一次闹铃叫不醒自己。只剩15分了，没时间再做白日梦了，她迅速套上搭在床和桌子之间的白塑料椅子上的黑牛仔裤和黑体恤，房里只有一张桌子，没地方摆衣橱。衣服放在她从中国带来的大行李箱里，她总是头天晚上把第二天要穿的衣服找好，包括袜子和内衣，在椅子上搁好，钥匙放到黑色手袋里，公园入门卡躺在钱包里，这样她就可以尽可能多地节省早上的时间。
今天要是三个学习日的一天该多好，她就可以晚起一个小时。在长达两个小时的课程的小小休息时间溜进课堂，以确保出勤时间。另一个困惑是，作为惩罚措施，这儿的许多老师有根据学生的出勤率自主扣除你学分的权利。
开什么玩笑？在中国，如果你考试成绩好，不会因为缺一两堂课就受罚。更何况她理由充足。也许需要多睡两个小时听起来不太靠谱，不过Chiristina在没有任何商务知识基础下跳级进了Has三年级，自己花个把月时间猫在图书馆里恶补教科书，是精神可嘉的吧。在中国，她的最大成绩是学会讲一口流利的英语，虽然大家都没想到。幸亏了她的英文能力过的去，在跟Has的学生顾问面试时，开了几个恰如其分的玩笑，结果得以幸免前两个学年的时间。
那些诸如主流市场以及财务入门等等方面的书籍确实有帮助，她现在很清楚3年级要学些什么。她觉得在一个安静的图书馆里比在一个吵吵嚷嚷的课堂里更容易集中精力，课堂上人人都可以拿任何乌七八糟的问题打断讲课，经常出现一些愚蠢的提问，其他的学生早就会了，却不得不耐着性子听教授一遍遍重复解释。
Christina确信任何一个中国老师面对这儿的学生的无礼行为绝对晕罐儿。中国学生不举手绝不大声讲话，讲课过程中为了不打断课程，没人提问，一半是因为尊重讲课的人，一半是因为没人愿意被认为无知。他们宁可课后私下里问，或者去看更多地书自己解惑。
7点过2分，没时间梳往常的两条麻花辫了，Christina 手腕上缠着扎马尾的皮圈，登上黑色半高跟鞋，抓起手袋，朝镜子里匆匆看最后一眼。镜子里的人脸色苍白疲惫，比实际年龄大了好几岁。Christina比较欣赏的一个荷兰误区是他们真的分不清东方人的年龄，就像中国人看不出一位荷兰大叔的年纪一样，他们看起来都差不多。
7点过五分，Christina 小心翼翼关上门。门上没有锁，Christina租住这件阁楼以前是间储藏室，她也从没想费力安把锁。哪怕是盗贼对她的旧袜子也不会有兴趣吧。她悄悄的下楼，阁楼在五层，中国算法，6层，因为这儿把一层叫作底层，等于从0层算起。刚到这儿的头几个月，Christina 常常在一楼找出口。
脚一沾地，Christina立马撒腿往电车站跑，因为要奋力跟脚上的高跟鞋斗争。她甚至无法分神去享受一下清晨清新的空气，穿上那双高跟鞋走路都困难，更别提跑了。很幸运，还没下雨，你永远没法预测这儿的天气，前一分钟艳阳高照，可能下一分钟就大雨倾盆。Christina 难得记得带伞，或者说不想带伞，所以经常被大雨淋个通透。随身携带一把雨伞碍手碍脚，毫无意义，因为当她到站猛然惊醒或者睡过头到终点站睁开眼时，她极可能把伞落在车上。而且，伴随暴雨而来的强劲海风会吹断伞骨。暴雨天过后这儿有一景，五颜六色的精美雨伞的残骸躺满一地，四处都有。Christina 才不犯傻去做这种无谓的投资呢，除非她要开家雨伞店，这买卖肯定万年常青。
电车怎么还不来？7：15了，到中央火车站至少要15分钟，那么只剩下6分钟买票进月台，电车快点儿来吧。Christina满心焦虑的伸长酸痛的脖子，使劲睁大干涩的眼睛一个劲儿朝2号线来的方向张望，好像她的焦虑加上另两只早起的同样焦虑的乘客能加快电车的速度一样。
街道两边的店铺还亮着灯，这儿的很少有大店铺，不过大多装饰得不错，连小小的袜子铺都用高高的绿色盆栽常青植物精心装饰过。不知道是种什么植物。尽管Christina从来记不住那些形形色色的树木花草的长长的美丽的名字，她却真心实意地对它们赞赏不已。透过窗子，可以感受到鲜活的绿色所造就的温馨的氛围。
嗯，要小心，Christina暗暗告诫自己，任何情况下你都不许作购物狂，不管什么样儿的，都不行。你要做狂人，也只能作工作狂加学习狂。真可悲啊，快满24岁了，中国算法快25了（荷兰人根据生日计算年龄，中国人根据年份，十二月出生的宝宝按中国农历新年来算就是两岁，可是在荷兰直到下一个十二月才算两岁），还在为可恶的文凭奋战，而且还没有像样的工作经验。
站在售货亭里卖冰激凌当然不算数，在中国国有汽车配件公司的一年工作自然也不算数，无论从管理理念到财务或人力资源标准来说，那家公司离真正的国际工作环境差得不是一点儿两点儿。
她在那间公司做得最多的就是不断地向国外来客重复那些党政要人发表的堆砌华丽的政治讲话，这些要人都想方设法都钻进了董事会。请注意，那些讲话本身并不华丽，只不过堆砌得华丽罢了，平均每30句话里有一句值得听听，可是直来直去的老外怎么可能分辨得出这些？最后所有的客人都只剩下点头，微笑。
下学期她一定要到哪儿去找个正式场合工作。一旦她得到机会，她肯定能干出点儿眉目来，她相信任何一间公司都很难对她不满意。哪怕在技术上有所不满，也决不会不满她的工作态度。成捆的荷兰人不做工也一样拿救济金，1千7百万人里有1百万挂在那个失业救济名单上，遇到一个工作狂他们怎么可能不满足呢？
真可恶！没错，这儿的失业人员只要证明自己一直在努力寻找新的工作，每个月就可以拿到近1200欧。Christina 暗自腹诽，也诅咒那些寄生虫，或许她不过是嫉妒罢了。除了在她这张小名单上挂个名，她的父母这辈子别指望跟这种感慨的失业救济金名单有什么密切联系。在中国农村，甚至在有些城市里，孩子就是父母的养老保险。
多谢电车，Christina 得以打住深埋心底的阴暗思想，只要可能，她总是尽量把它们抛到脑后。要保持乐观的想法，要采取积极的态度，有人说过，生活就像照镜子，你哭她也哭，你笑她就笑。
把自己想象成一名乘电车做环城游览的游人，Christina 脸上总算挂上了一丝笑容，可是没多会儿，无意间撞进一双酷酷的不屑的眼睛，她的笑容立马消失不见。那双眼睛上配了一幅长长的假睫毛，眼睛的主人坐在christina的对面，一副厚厚的嘴唇涂得血红，一身新潮服饰无一不来自kalvestreet的各家时装店，靴子竟然是Sachs. Christina 从头到脚从里到外全是H&M的打折货，她甚至从来没进过bijnkof，4楼除外，在那儿你可以掏到一些新书和cd，可就算这样，她大多也是光看不买。
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真希望我是个傻瓜，一早上Christina 第n次满心愤愤，那样的话至少能做到随时随地的傻笑，而不必管别人怎么想，或怎么穿。好啦，这么想太不对了，她还不至于这么肤浅，为了区区物质上的东西就情绪低落吧？再说了，那张血红的大嘴也没啥美感，也就今夏的一个潮流。天知道，可能明年会流行小眼睛，跟christina 这样的，或者流行独眼，加勒比海盗那样的。想想吧，面前的时尚达人只留一只大眼挂在血红的大嘴上方 … Christina 拼命抿住嘴以免笑出声来，以免这位时尚达人觉得Christina 对她有意思就不好了。（这里百荷很多的说）
“总站到了!”公车司机的叫喊声惊醒了Christina,她晕头晕脑下了车，一早上头一次对上帝心存感激，他把Floriade 公园放在了最后一站。有一次，她在Utrecht 有个约，结果醒来发现到了Amersfoort,真是恐怖呀 ，因为不可能在2个小时内赶过去，她不得不另外再约。
穿过停车场，离“幸福食品”在公园里设的临时简易办公室还有一百多米，真是个奇怪的名字，要被吃掉的食品也会觉得幸福？快到了，她摇摇头，甩开这些想法。
“Morgen（早上好）！”Christina 朝那伙年轻人打着招呼，朝人群扫了几眼，松了口气，没有那几张老面孔，主管们还在路上。
“Goeade morgen (早上好)”，“泥 –豪！”，有几个男孩子把这句普通的汉语“你好”拖得老长老长，咯咯咯地笑个不住。Christina牵了牵嘴角，摆个微笑的姿态，然后仔细选了个距离他们安全的角落安顿下来，不太远，可以听见他们彼此嘲笑着昨晚的经历，也不太近，既不会被问到昨晚她有哪些节目，也不会被邀请分享他们的香烟和口香糖。
其实Christina挺欣赏这儿的20几岁的年轻人，甚至包括一些十五六岁的孩子，跟中国那些城市里的孩子太不一样了。不管是自己无意还是没机会，很多中国孩子从来没亲手挣过一分钱，（他们大都是独生子，被父母保护得太好了，而且，也没有真正的打工机会，下岗工人太多，给兼职的钱就愿意干全职的活儿了。）而这儿的小伙子至少自己做工，赚来啤酒、香烟已经那一头一脸的油漆钱。
差10分九点，William的车开了进来，作为每周六的值班经理，他很少能准时出现。他先打开办公室的门，大家伙儿一拥而入去换衣服。制服很简单，红色体恤配长长的蓝色围裙，均码的。Christina身高1米六五，体重50公斤，在中国通常被认为是个健壮的女孩儿，可是在这儿，不管身高还是体重都低于平均水平，那件体恤穿着又肥又大，而她第一次穿上围裙走路就在办公室门外拌了一跤，把零钱洒了一地，从那以后，她总是把围裙的上半边儿絻进去好大一块儿才敢穿。那次也是William当值，他之所以没有立马请这个笨手笨脚的中国女孩走人，只因为他好久没有笑得那么畅快了。
Christina很清楚他们把她当成了一个18岁的中国活宝，天知道，她其实是个23岁的老阿姨，还来跟18，20 岁的小年轻争工作。有那么一瞬，她甚至看见了自己的墓碑上唯一能刻的墓志铭，红色的大字写着 “羞愧”二字。也许因为国籍问题她连个墓地都得不到呢，多么可惜，她最好的荷兰朋友Anna 是位非常出色的雕刻师，如果她不小心出了车祸，相信Anna肯定愿意免费给她刻个墓碑。
“好了，Tsing （静），六号亭，去吧，走慢点儿”，Christina从William那儿抓过零钱包，咕哝了一句“Bedankt”（谢谢），不去理睬他那恶劣的笑话，赶紧出了门。这儿的人都叫她的中文名字，比那些为了自己方便强加给你英文名字的美国人好多了。不过她觉得自己的名字用荷兰语讲起来真奇怪，很象是在打喷嚏，她不得不集中注意力才能搞清楚某人确实在叫她而不是感冒了。
六号亭位于公园北门附近，一路走上去大约20分钟，走这条路是一天工作中最让人开心的事儿。沿途会路过各种各样的花田和绿油油的植物园，清晨清新的空气中洒满了花香，没有哪种空气清新剂能与之相比。种植的花草树木组成了欢迎的语句，只能从远处，或者登上公园中央的绿色山丘才能辨别出来。而且她不用买票就可以享受了呀！
Tulip (郁金香)，是Christina 知道的唯一一种荷兰花名，还有其它几种她知道中文花名，再剩下的她就光知道颜色了。她从来没这么迫切地希望自己哪怕学过一点点儿艺术，如果带上画板和画笔四处去把这一切都画下来，或者就光把她最喜欢的蝴蝶形状的不知名小蓝花细细描绘一番，那该有多好啊。她在中国北部家乡的村后森林里看见过同样的蓝色小花。同一个早上，深深的羞愧感第N+1次冲击着Christina的大脑，不是因为她没有机会学艺术，而是因为那个村子里的很多孩子甚至没有机会上学，更有甚者，那些有机会受教育的人大多为出生的村庄感到耻辱，最后都选择做了逃兵，能逃开的全逃了，没有人肯回去做点儿什么。
在户外站了几次卖Unox热狗的亭子或卖冰激凌的台子之后，Christina就经常被指派到六号亭，还有两三个隔三差五就换人的帮手，他们9：30到。因为这些年轻人大多一周来一两次，Christina成了这儿的固定工。不过让一个英语荷兰语混讲的中国人作一间售货亭的负责人，还是要有相当的勇气的，对吧？虽然Christina表现不俗，在不到一年时间里就差不多能听懂一切，可是要想用地道的荷兰语回答，语法和口音都不出错，那得再花费好几年。她学英语时怎么没这么费劲呢？肯定是脑子老化了。
打开门，数清零钱，把硬币按面额放进各自的盘子里，点一点剩多少存货，按名目列进每日的存货单，把所有的垃圾桶拿出去，填满咖啡机，把20个长条热狗面包、10个法式酥面包 、10个巧克力面包和15根香肠放进烤箱，炸15根荷兰的特产Kroket，没有中文名，大约最接近的叫法是酥脆肠。这儿的麦当劳里甚至有一种特别的Mac脆肠出售。再来干什么，哦，加热做热狗的Unox香肠，把番茄和黄瓜切片好做三明治，再把切成条的现成的苹果派和几个甜甜圈放到前面柜台上，用塑料罩遮好。
好像都准备齐了。当然了，刚开始的时候没有这么容易，她熬过来了，挺到了今天，在准备过程中越来越得心应手。
她心有余悸地看了看两只胳膊上几乎看不出来了的红色疤痕，每次太忙了就会不小心，时不时就被烤箱烫伤。人当然不该被过去困住，假以时日，伤痕总会消失。朝前看也许有帮助，比如说，呃，下个星期该付分期交付的学费，再下个星期，要交鸟笼阁楼的租金。那么人也不能活在未来，Christina在心中暗道，尽力把今天的事做好吧，真正的生活就是眼前嘛。也许来杯茶会是个美好一天的开始，她刚要伸手去拿茶杯，笃笃笃的敲门声响起来，其他人到了。
“早上好啊，Sara！”Christina大声招呼着，露出整个早上第一次真心愉快的微笑，Sara 也微笑着回应，她是这儿少数几个让Christina觉得象来自同一个星球的同事之一，一个在自由大学学心理学的大四学生，比Christina大几岁。
另一个女孩叫Marlijn，今天头一次上工。Christina简单地跟Marlijn讲了讲大体要做些什么，就跟着Sara进了后面的小厨房，留下Marlijn站柜台好招呼早来的游客。
“那么，你第二次拟的论文题目通过了？christina坐在水龙头和大炸锅中间的台子上问。
“没，又被驳回了。”Ｓａｒａ站在大烤箱旁边，小口泯着茶，答话还是那么简洁。“他们说太普通了。”
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“你确信他们没有心理问题？第一次的题目‘为什么艺术家更容易产生自杀倾向’他们不是说太不同寻常了吗？”
“你相信世上可能有正常的心理学家存在吗？”Christina 的天真惹得Sara大笑。
可是你也许会变成下一个，Christina知道最好不要这么说，所以试图就事论事，“这么说，不能研究孩子的叛逆行为，不能研究自杀的艺术家，有新主意了吗？”
“得弄点儿中间路线，不过别担心，还有几个月呢。你怎么样？”
“还那样，”Christina不经心地回答，通常不得不谈论自己的时候她都这样，“四天来Floriade公园，3天去Has。”
“知道吧，你真是太强了。”
“不强不行啊。”
“好啦，别沮丧了，再有一年你就完成Has学业了，有什么打算吗？”
“要是能找到路子，想读个博士。当然啦，不能靠在这儿烤面包挣的钱。”
“奖学金？”
“问过了，只给那些在中国境内通过某个中介申请的一年级学生，我已经来了，太迟了，进不了他们的市场打包计划，根本别指望奖学金，只能为拉动低迷经济老实消费啦。”
“贷款？”
“如果有人愿意无偿借给我3万5千欧，我打赌你就能找到心理学论文的绝佳论题了。”
“那我求你了，一定要知会我。”
“我保证。”
“我肯定会是好消息。”
“谢啦。你可真有变黑暗为光明的魔法，写完论文你有什么计划？”Christina把话题转回Sara身上。只要谈论她自己的事儿超过5分钟，她一准儿受不了，哪怕跟Sara也不行。
“我打算环球旅游，还不想套牢在一个不变的位置上，我对旅游很着迷，得先探索世界。”
“太棒了！从哪儿开始？”
“埃及，你知道关于金字塔构造，还没有符合自然规则的解释。”
“所以你打算来个心理方面的解释？可是钱从哪儿来？”
“已经攒了一点儿，再呆这儿多干三个月还能挣出点儿来。”
“哦，也是哈，”Christina这才想起来Sara还住在父母那儿，不用缴房租，作为一名大学生，也不用支付公共交通费，每个月还从政府教育基金领取几百元，基本上，她可以把挣的钱全部用来旅游或度假。Christina呢，情况完全不同，做什么都得掏钱，没有后盾。
对过儿的旅游纪念品商店也开了门，Sara 和Marlijn 决定去逛逛，反正还没来客人。
那两人刚走第一位顾客就来了，一位60多岁的荷兰老太太买了一部即抛形相机，相机上用荷兰文清楚地印着使用说明，她却要求Christina 再跟她解释一遍，还得出结论说比从别的地方买这么个破烂货多付了两倍的钱，服务也不好，碰上这么个说不清荷兰语的店员，如果按照Christina的说明操作这破烂相机不好使的话，她就要回来退款。最后，终于，她颤颤巍巍地一分一分地把钱付到Christina手里，那手颤得都快掏不出钱包里的硬币了，搞得Christina的手也跟着颤呀颤的。
“多了一毛钱，“Christina点着钱搁进盘子里，然后把那个一毛钱还给老太太。
“没多，给你的小费！”老太太骄傲地宣称。
“不好意思，夫人，我们这儿不允许收小费，”Christina把硬币放回老太太的钱包里，老太太手抖得厉害，钱包还没拉上呢。“不管怎么说，谢谢你。需要我为您关上钱包吗？” 这下儿Christina 忍不住笑了。
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“不用，谢谢，我看不出你的手比我的手好用到哪儿去。”老太太反击道，自尊心一点儿不少。
等到Marlijn回来，露台上已经坐了几位上年纪的女士慢慢啜饮她们的起床咖啡。而且，Chrisitina已经想方设法给一位既不懂英语也不会讲荷兰语的法国人指明了怎么去坐游人巴士，还抛开历史芥蒂，告诉了一群日本人往绿山丘的路在哪儿，又跟偶然来查岗的William撒谎说另两个人去了洗手间，再来违反规定接了个手机，不过当时可没客人，最后想要从开水里把热好的香肠开封，不小心烫了手指尖。
另一个值得回味的场景是个年轻的荷兰小伙子，大约30左右，实际上是一对夫妻更确切。男的很高，戴眼镜，穿蓝色体恤，一张娃娃脸，跟他比起来，他的伴侣不太高，可是壮得多，穿红色。男的帮同伴在面湖的角落里找了张桌子安顿好，远离那些吵吵嚷嚷的游客，又点了些咖啡和香肠卷。如果不是那只黄蜂，他的红衫女伴就不会失控，那么Christina也就根本不会记得他们。不知道打哪儿来的，露台上有很多黄蜂飞来飞去，其实它们不蜇人，一般飞过来找那些剩下的苹果派和甜饮料。那对夫妻选中的桌子上有客人剩下的半罐儿可乐，几只黄蜂不小心掉了进去。Christina听见从角落里传来歇斯底里的尖叫声，红衫女士在蓝衫高个的怀里抖得跟落叶似的。咖啡和香肠卷都掉到了地上，还有那个可乐罐儿，几只黄蜂还在罐嘴儿那儿爬来爬去。
大家笑话她反应过度，人人都可能被这些黄蜂吓一跳。可是红衫女士尖叫一声不算完，开始不停地尖叫，痛苦万分。大家都不笑了，都被她吓到了。
Christina赶紧端过去咖啡和一杯冷冻矿泉水，男的没有说谢谢，而是说句对不起，哪怕隔着眼镜，那双蓝眼睛流露出的情感还是触痛了christina，她说不清那是什么情感，无助，伤痛，还是苦涩？他温柔地抱着他的红衫女友，摸着她的头发，拍着她的后背，象搬一件易碎的古董那样把她带到另一个角落。Christina跟过去，把咖啡和水搁到桌子上，又去拿来扫把和簸箕打扫干净。那一瞬间，Christina 很是羡慕红衫女士，不管她缺少什么，她还有他。Christina烫伤的手指更痛了，从来没有一副臂膀给她靠一下，哪怕一小会儿也没有。
别发痴了！ christina在脑中大喊道，什么人得什么东西，她从来没对着黄蜂尖叫过，惹得普通女孩尖叫的老鼠也不怕，那些蓝眼睛的可爱男士当然要把自己的英雄气概藏起来到那些有女儿气的女孩子面前献宝，而不会在她这么个不知道还算不算女孩子的男孩子气十足的女孩子面前献丑。Christina 忍不住不停地朝他们看过去，直到他走过来付咖啡和水钱。因为可乐罐里有黄蜂，她不想收钱，可是他坚持要付，说那不过是他女朋友的一贯反应，即使没有黄蜂，也会有蜜蜂。他本想开玩笑来着，可是christina笑不出来，那双蓝眼睛里流露的东西仍然触痛着她。
他们走后，Sara回来了。Marlijn告诉她事情的经过，嘲笑说那么一个胖胖的女人也能被个小东西吓傻；Sara 理解为某种心理恐慌，在特定条件下的神经崩溃，她有几个朋友也有同样的问题。Tina(下同，是Christina的昵称) 怀疑蓝眼睛还能保持多久自己的神经不崩溃。
12点之后这一天过得飞快，跟以往的任何一天没差别，她们三个脚不沾地跑来跑去，Tina最忙，忙着不停的烧烤，切片，开瓶子，清理桌子，收钱。中午三人好不容易轮换着在小厨房里吃了个热狗，傍晚5点以后才坐下来小小地休息了一下。休息过后，打扫卫生，所有被动过的东西都要清理干净以备明天使用，包括捡干净几百平的露台上丢弃的烟头，洗净擦亮所有的器具，餐具和地板，然后填好盘存表。
确认售货亭锁好了，她们三个一路走回公园那头的办公室，都不太讲话，尽管每天都走同一条路，可是往回走的感觉跟上工时的感觉不一样，也许夜晚比清晨更易沮丧？
Tina 填好表，跟其他人一起拿到10个小时的薪酬。等她往公车站走时，已经差10分8点了。双脚在那幅可怕的鞋跟不遗余力的折磨下疼痛不已，一个小时后，Tina 强撑着到了Amsterdam 中心车站。
2 号线15分钟后才开，这意味着她的脚还得多撑一刻钟。她去了AKO(书店)，看一眼那些五光十色的杂志，也好转移下注意力。
有人突然从背后拍拍她的右肩，静静的书店里只听一声响亮的“hello!”， Christina 吓得把杂志掉到了地上，顾不上转身看看谁是这可恶的吓人精, 她赶紧弯腰去捡杂志，万一损坏一点儿，她可要为这该死的一眼赔上五分之一的工钱。直起身来，那只禄山之爪也垂到了她的左肩上，一看见那只黑黑的手，她的牙就咬在了一起，于是她先退开了一步才转过身。
“hello.” 她冷冷地从牙缝里挤出一句，用冷冷的眼神打量着Brain那张笑眯眯的满是亮白牙齿的黑脸，从学术上说，人不可能满脸长牙，可是每次Brain 张开大嘴，让Christina 看见他那张黑面白牙对比明显的脸，她总会产生这种想法。我的老天，白天她过得还算顺当，看来晚上的噩梦要开始了。Brain 是has 课上的几个黑人之一，跟Christina 合作过几个作业，也是少数几个不管Christina 从不跟人外出而试图约她的人。
“好久不见啦，我刚从一位律师朋友那儿咨询版权问题回来，路过店门口看见你在里边。”
“法律项目？”Christina 兴趣缺缺，语气平淡。
“不，不，不，是我自己的书。” 他的笑容更大了。“我写了本书。”
“啊，是吗，” Christina 怀疑地点点头，“你写了本书，关于什么？”
“没什么，一些南非的故事，今天刚出版，你一定得去买一本。”
“是呀，我会买的。” 出于礼貌，Christina 嘴里应着，可是书的作者不应该签送几位朋友吗？哈哈，他终于认识到她永远也不可能成为他的朋友了，很好。不管哪种朋友，永远不可能。
“你最近做什么呢？”Brain 问。
“没什么特别的，”尽管这个黑小伙说他出了一本书，Christina 也十分排斥在安静的书店里跟他聊天。“我得跑路了，下次见。”她迅速地把杂志搁回书架上，跑到了电车站，跳上要开走的一号线，她可以在Leids广场换乘二号线。
在潮乎乎的电车里，Christina 努力平静下来，尽力吞咽下比别人慢半拍的苦涩。那个不讨喜的黑鬼都出了本书！可是她就写了那么几篇哭唧唧的日记，还毫无连贯性，只有觉得压抑得睡不着或者什么都做不下去她才写日记，而这个家伙呢，这个黑黑的家伙，她从来没看出过有一点儿长处的家伙……
噢，不对，Christina猛然打住这种念头，然后很生气地意识到为什么整件事搞得自己这么不自在，哦，不对，这种态度错了，大错特错，到底怎么了，她凭什么认为一个黑人不能出书？他当然可能跟别人一样聪明。天哪，她存了些什么样的龌龊心理去歧视他人？她本身就是一个种族歧视的受害者，即便有一丝丝的歧视的思想也应该立刻封杀的。
可是上帝啊，她到底在做什么？Anna在自己的房门口被几个黑人男孩抢走了钱包是真事儿，在火车站周围经常有成伙儿的黑人男孩出没制造骇人的氛围也是真事儿，可是其他的人种也可能做出同样的事儿吧。
老天在上，她自己是黄色人种。尽管事实上她比很多白人都白。白人喜欢尽可能多地晒日光浴来把漂亮的奶白色皮肤糟蹋成棕色，还说是健康色，而Christina则尽可能少地暴露在阳光底下。她完全可以接受自己的黄皮肤，黑头发，呃，有时略带点儿红或紫的——头发，没有人有资格为了别人无法选择肤色而去责难他们，哦，不对，还是不对，这跟选择无关，是关于。。。。
Christina觉得她真该被个黑人抢劫一番，上帝，自我斗争弄得她筋疲力尽，她原先打算在那家美式比萨店停一下打包一个匹萨，可是现在她确信，因为曾经有过那么恶劣的想法，不说饿几个礼拜吧，至少今晚应该饿一下肚子。她再也不会允许自己有那样的想法，不过她还是不会跟任何一个黑人出去，白人更不去，黄色人种也不去，不跟任何男人出去，好了，就是说，从根本上说，她对于跟任何一种男性生物建立任何一种关系都有障碍，此事无关肤色。Ee
电车停在了Amsterdam 唯一一家Albert 开到晚上十点的连锁店前，Christin啊也终于判定，她还是配得到一些三明治作晚餐的，要不就来根mars 棒，有爆米花更好啦。
作者有话说
第2章 Chapter 1 June A'dam
，还差